PIZZED harldy describes it.....

As you all know I am a BIG fan of Darren Hayes, yes even during his Savage Garden days. Well I posted a comment on a you tube page that said - all I would've wanted for my birthday back in November is for Darren to Come to Little Rock, AR so I could see him perform live and possibly get the chance to meet him face to face. Well I wanted to see if anything had cumulated on his 2008 national tour of the United States yet. (for the record - theres nothing set in stone other than they will begin in March or April). I scroll down through some copied blog entries from his myspace page and on one of them it reads exactly this:
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Still Beautiful
Category: Music
Woke up in Little Rock.
Sang for some folks in radio.
Flew to Memphis.
Watched a storm from the the departure gates.
Flew to St Louis.
Now I'm getting ready for bed.
Life is still beautiful.


the next one down offers even more sinful evidence:
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Little Rock little boy big world
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Music

I was in Phoenix Arizona this morning.
I was in Dallas Texas at 10 am.
I'm in Little Rock Arkansas tonight.
I'll be in St Louis tomorrow.
I'll be Chicago tomorrow night.
It's busy.
When I'm this busy I think a lot about the human condition.
..... [last part cut out as its not pertinent to the overall post]

I was so incredibly mad that my favorite of all favorites was a mere hour and a half from here and yet nothing I could do about it and looking back there's nothing I could've done about it other that maybe tuned into the radio at the time of his airing. It was on a Wednesday, I have to be at work at the wee hours of the morning at 5:30. (I often find myself crawling out of bed at 4:30 sometimes earlier, and crawling back into bed around 10:30- midnight. Once I have been known to have stayed up for nearly two days straight through. So it all depends.

Anyway he was in Little Rock, actually touched Little Rock, and to be quite honest and blunt - I dont even like Little Rock. The I-40 is a nightmare in its self with the construction.

I would go to Little Rock to see Darren perform at one of the clubs. I would be forever grateful and deeply appreciated if we were allowed to meet face to face. Im not a teeny bopper type thats in love with his first single 'Truly Madly Deeply' (while it is a touching song, its not my favorite) I prefer his experimental stuff, especially his latest album 'This Delicate Thing We've Made'. He's really grown alot, he's experimented, he's done an incredible amount of work to put out a solid album that doesnt sound like the American pop trash thats overplayed on American radio stations. This is good stuff, I agree with alot of his lyrics. On Neverland it hit home for me. I dont know if this was Darren's experience growing up, but even if it isnt, he's got an incredible view of it.

His 'Building A Time Machine' shares alot of my feelings for the things Ive done and what Ive regretted.

Someone anyone - if youve got connections, know how and what not - I would very much like to know if Darren will be returning to Little Rock for a performance, and two how I would be able to obtain tickets and possibly VIP passes as I would love to meet him in a relaxed comfortable setting and get to know him for him.

Peace Chow and Love,
-C

All Things Considered: Deaf Culture

So this disscussion was brought up at AD.com and it is a very interesting one to say the least. Being born deaf and having felt suppressed by the hearing world as if I were incapable of controlling my own fate.

The questions brought up were:
When was Deaf Culture discovered?

When was is declared a 'Culture'?

By whom?

Why?

Was it conjured for political reasons?

And if so, what are the political objectives?

Well for one there are no easy answers for these questions. To just get started, we'd have to look at the term culture itself.

The American Heritage Dictionary defines culture as follows:
American Heritage Dictionary - Cite This Source - Share This cul·ture (kŭl'chər) Pronunciation Key
n.

The totality of socially transmitted behavior patterns, arts, beliefs, institutions, and all other products of human work and thought.
These patterns, traits, and products considered as the expression of a particular period, class, community, or population: Edwardian culture; Japanese culture; the culture of poverty.
These patterns, traits, and products considered with respect to a particular category, such as a field, subject, or mode of expression: religious culture in the Middle Ages; musical culture; oral culture.
The predominating attitudes and behavior that characterize the functioning of a group or organization.

So looking at Deaf Culture to define it we have to look at the shared attitudes, traits, and expression by those that are deaf. We know what Japanese culture is, we all know what Hispanic culture is and we are easily able to distinguish between the two.

But deafness knows no certain boundary. Deafness happens in all cultures whether it be American, European, Asian, Latino or any other ethnicity. It goes beyond languages used and what skin color a person has as well as beyond sexual orientation, political affiliation and religion.

So lets look at Deafness:
American Heritage Dictionary - Cite This Source - Share This deaf (děf) Pronunciation Key
adj. deaf·er, deaf·est

Partially or completely lacking in the sense of hearing.
Deaf Of or relating to the Deaf or their culture.
Unwilling or refusing to listen; heedless: was deaf to our objections.

n. (used with a pl. verb)

Deaf people considered as a group. Used with the.
Deaf The community of deaf people who use American Sign Language as a primary means of communication. Used with the.


The only problem I see with this definition is that many people outside the deaf don't understand that there are varying degrees of deafness, and that not all deaf people use sign language and the fact there is more than one signed language.

But lets see how they define Deaf Culture:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deaf_culture <---Wiki entry

Deaf culture has always been around even before the 1988 DPN Protest at Gallaudet University, during this protest which was broadcast on national news - this was the first time that many Americans realized that deaf people were not stupid nor incapable of controlling their own lives. I remember a friend telling me that they had family members astonished that a deaf person could hotwire a bus and flatten its tires to block a roadway.

This is also the year my parents had me transferred from a special school to a mainstream school. I did not realize until a few days ago but I have yet asked my parents if the news of the Gallaudet protests influenced their decision to mainstream me into public schools. Until I know for sure I cannot say one way or another. I started Kindergarten in the 1989-1990 school year - have very vague memories of the special school but I do remember being taken to the Baptist church parking lot where mom had to meet a bus that would bus me to Ola everyday. The driver was Miss Melba a very sweet and kind lady whom I will never forget.

The DPN protests were extremely well organized and was paralleled to the Civil Rights Movement.

The protests were over the fact that the Nationan's Deaf University was not headed by a deaf person and 17 chairpersons were hearing with only 4 deaf members. This started when Jerry Lee resigned in 1987. The deaf students were ready to have a deaf president running their university. Students supporting the selection of a deaf president participated in a rally on May 1. Gally alumnus John Yeh advertised the rally with flyers that read:
It's time! In 1842, a Roman Catholic became president of the University of Notre Dame. In 1875, a woman became president of Wellesley College. In 1886, a Jew became president of Yeshiva University. In 1926, a Black person became president of Howard University. AND in 1988, the Gallaudet University presidency belongs to a DEAF person.

The selection commitee hired the only hearing applicant above the other deaf, but very qualified deaf applicants including I. King Jordan and Harvey Corson. The hearing person that was hired had no sign language knowledge and was ill-aware of deaf needs. This sparked the eight day Deaf President Now Protests that took place over eight days from May 6-13.

There were 4 demands the students wanted fullfilled:
1. That a deaf president be named immediately
2. The resignation of JaneBassett Spilman over a comment that "deaf are not yet ready to function in a hearing society."
3. The board of trustees that had 17 hearing members and only 4 deaf be reconstituted so that the majority were deaf members.
4. That there be no reprisals.

The eight day got so much national media attention that it is considered a critical change of direction for national deaf culture awareness as well as internationally where there is a deaf culture recognized not only in the states but also in Nordic countries such as Iceland, Norway, and Sweden as well as Canada that boasts a deaf culture centre.

For much of history the deaf were encouraged to blend in with the hearing world and to even hide their deafness. Alexander Grahamn Bell though a child of a deaf mother, was an audist and discouraged deaf people from being together fearing that sign language was not the best way to teach them the ways of the world.

Laurent Clerc pushed for sign language and that deaf individuals be grouped together to learn the deaf way - by sign language. And in 1817 founded the American School for the Deaf. In 1821 - it was relocated to its present location.

Whichever your viewpoint is on deaf education, I am firm that it should be based on the individual child and I dont even want to delve in Cochlear Implants.

The first implication of a Deaf Culture was on a tiny island in Massachussets known as Martha's Vinyard where there was a larger percentage of deaf people than elsewhere in the country. This was during the mid-to-late 1800s, after Thomas Hopkins Gallaudet persuaded Laurent Clerc to return with him to the United States to start a deaf school. Through this deaf school and strong influences from Old French Sign Language and highly localized sign languages of the students that were being used ASL or American Sign Language came about and in the 1900s it became a widely accepted language in all states throughout the country.

The other questions such as by whom, and why will have to be answered in another part to what has become a series. But as I research and continue to write this may very well be a thought invoking journey.

Part Duex will follow soon.

Funny things I 'hear'.

So I was talking to some of my deaf friends online the other day and the topic of discussion turned to funny misunderstandings. Some of them were quite humorus, others just leave you with a good grin on your face.

So I will start with my own that I can remember over the years:
I was about nine or ten at the time; my mother and I were driving to my grandparents house for Sunday dinner when I noticed a new building in Belleville. So I asked my mother casually. "Mum, whats going in there?"

"Oh a Lesbian Appliance Store.."
"WHAT?!"
"Wha-at?"
"Did you just say Lesbian Appliance store?"
"WHAT?! I didnt say Lesbian Appliance, I said GIL-ES-PEE'S Appliance store!"

Another funny one of my own from a few years back:
I was about the same age, maybe younger when I was spending the night at my cousin's house when we were laying on the pallet of blankets in the floor in the dark when she whispered something in my ear and I said could you repeat that please I couldnt hear you over the fan. And she whispered again and I still couldnt hear her. Then I said - You dummy, no wonder I can't hear you! That's my broke ear!

I would share the funny ones from other people, but I want their permission first before posting as some may not want the stories repeated online too many times.

So if you're a reader and want to share your story and have it posted, feel free to email me at dr_vfib@hotmail.com or leave a comment in the comment box if you have a blogger account if not, just email me and I will get yours posted.

I will do a follow up on this post once I receive submissions. Send in your funny misunderstandings of what people have said to you, deaf, hh, or hearing.

Me, Myself, & I - Darren's new video and 2nd single from 'This Delicate Thing We've Made'

Yep its another Darren post complete with his new video which shows his fun and playful side, and for the dhh readers - I have the lyrics included. This song has a definite flashback feel. Enjoy!



I'm kinda reeling
A deja-vu feeling
We've been together
In another life

Got me extending
That network's ending
The future echoes
With your memory

Now darling, I don't know what the future will bring
But I am willing to sing 'til I drop
Now baby, I don't know how it happened to be
But when we met it was like future shock

Tell me what to do, me myself and I
It's gonna take a time machine
To get it right
And it's so cruel, I wanna take you home
I'm gonna speed those hands of time right up
So that I don't leave here all alone. Woo hoo!

The death of the romance
Thought there was no chance
Then you appeared right in front of me
I got to thinking
Loneliness sinking
I felt the cloudiness come over me

Now darling, I don't know what the future will hold
But I'm not willing to do as I'm told
Now baby, I don't care how it happened to be
But I know that my future's right in front of me

Tell me what to do, me myself and I
It's gonna take a time machine
To get it right
And it's so cruel, I wanna take you home
I'm gonna speed those sands of time right up
So that I don't leave here all alone. Woo hoo!

Did you ever get the feeling that the universe is leaning?
It's accelerating, it will never stop
Did you ever wonder if the number one divide by zero
Is infinity and if that's the case then what?
If imaginary numbers are abstractions of the real thing
Then could someone make the clock of time stop?
If we were always meant to be together like forever
Than it must have been a future shock

I don't know what the future will bring
But I am willing to sing 'til I drop...

What to do, me myself and I
It's gonna take a time machine
To get it right
And it's so cruel, I wanna take you home
I'm gonna speed those sands of time
Right up so that I don't leave here all alone

I don't know what the future will bring
But I am willing to sing 'til I drop [Gonna speed those sands of time right up]
Oh darling, I don't know how it happened to be
But when we met it was like future shock

What to do, me myself and I
It's gonna take a time machine
To get it right
And it's so cruel, I wanna take you home
I'm gonna speed those sands of time
Right up so that I don't leave here all alone

Proper Priorities

So these days it seems as if everything is out of whack, not just the blood sugar, but I mean life in general. For one seems as if Ive been busted for playing games with God though I have been one to scream and curse at God for playing games with me in years past.

Today was just another talk, another walk, another go at the same boring life I've been living for too long. All I know is that right now there's a crack in the door and dammit I want more than what Ive got. I want to do more than I can.

Every morning it's the same thing: up at 4:30, get dressed, brush teeth, wash face, grab a smoke and head out the door to good ol' PJP (the initials for my company). Get there around 5 or so, sit and continue to smoke my lungs away while I clock in, get my lovely bonnet on and be on the line ready to go at 5:35 - I personally dont like to be any later I have this odd obsession with being either 10 minutes early or simply not show up at all. 2:15 pm Im done and out, but damn Im too zapped to do anything for the rest of the day regardless of how nice it may be and I feel guilty for that sometimes for not letting my DD play outside when all I want to do is sleep. Im in bed by 9:30 or 10, 10:30 the latest during th week, on weekends Im up 22-30 hours straight, goofing off, looking up deaf related articles or just plain reading books, newspapers and whatnot so I dont feel like Im disconnected from the world.

I understand that you should put God first and all else falls into place and how often we hear that in church, sometimes more often than we care to know, but Im sitting here wondering - why I, the one that can sign Amazing Grace in ASL, pray in ASL, and thank God in ASL can't seem to get it right with God. I mean, here I call myself 'Deaf Baptist', but am I really that or is simply a subconscious mockery of the denomination I say I am affiliated with - although I dont post strictly SBC links on here.

Sometimes I feel like if I put too much emphasis on church, Im missing out on incredible moments with my daughter. Im not the same Bible Thumping Babe I was 10 years ago - Im the cynical jaded baptist that believes in a God and a Savior and has given my soul to Him, but I have my doubts that God is going to do anything with me. Im just a speck, a dot, another ant marching along. Heck Im a single mom college drop out that works in a chicken plant and can never seem to get it right with anything.

Why? Because again as mentioned in a previous post - there is still one part of my life that I haven't given completely over to him, partly because Im not ready to and the other because if I let go of this I feel that Ive lost part of myself in the process. But then I have said that if losing myself means becoming a part of God, then I know Im becoming something beautiful too. So what's the hold up? Its a missing prayer and a longing for something I can never have.

I know as a single parent you are going in ten directions at once and it's difficult to decide what comes when although others may not completely agree.

I was asked today what I wanted to do with my life within reason - I said I honestly could not think of what. Im just lost at sea at the moment. If I am incredibly smart, how can one make such incredibly stupid decisions time after time?

With enough pounding myself down - I have a friend that has lifted me up more times than I can possibly count - chewed me out when I needed it most and ignored me when I needed to learn to stand alone. Well now that friend is in need. I want to return the favor but not sure how. I have been praying that God would open the door for me in that area and present a way for me to help. I understand what they are going through. It's rough, it's hard and all you want to do is walk away. I just want to let this friend know Im here I still care and Ive never stopped despite things I might have said and done. Jealousy causes us to do amazingly stupid things. You dont have to hide those feelings inside. Like a true human being - I stay with my friends beyond the fair weather.

So priorties are shifting as the world changes and sometimes its hard to keep up.

The MSSD Incident

So some of you may have already heard about the MSSD incident where 7 students attacked another student and marked him with KKK and Nazi symbols. For those of you that don't know here is a CNN.com newslink:
The MSSD Incident

What bothers me most about this incident is not just the racist attitudes and hate crimes, but the fact there seems to be a double standard going on here through out the deaf community.

It is bad enough that people put down deafies just because we can't hear. Often I found myself labelled as deaf and dumb as a child and throughout my school years. When hearing people offend us we stand together as a strong group and say enough is enough.

It is bad enough that in the general world population people will commit crimes against another person just because they are black, gay, a woman, or if their religious beliefs are different.

But in the deaf community, I see double standards. We share our stories about being put down and shoved around by the hearing world, but amongst ourselves we find that we oppose Deaf homosexuals, Deaf blacks, Deaf women, and Deafies whose religious beliefs may be different from our own.

It is not right to be put down, and it is not right to put down others, but it is mind boggling to me when I see someone who's been put down so much, start to put down others. To me, it shows a lack of character. There's no need to go to a lower level to make yourself feel better. Surely one can rise above that and say to themselves, " I am not stooping the level of namecalling and hate crimes ". Sometimes the bigger person is the one that ignores the bullies and moves on with their lives and helps others deal with their issues in a healthy manner.

As for the student I hope he is OK, and I hope the other 7 have realized their mistake, use it as a learning moment in their lives and realize that everyone is the same, no one is better than anyone.

The struggles within

So Ive been having an internal struggle with myself for a number of years, but just now finally realizing this isnt something I can't accomplish on my own nor is it something I am willing to openly share with the world, for my own privacy's sake I wont disclose exactly what it is. Now before you go making assumptions I will assure you it is not drugs nor alcohol, nor is any child including my own in any danger.

You see church is a wonderful cover up for any number of fleshen sins that can be hidden from plain view. Something just beneath one's skin and fighting to come out. Sometimes I have thought about coming right out with my personal problem and somehow in the process liberate myself. Only problem is, liberty often comes with a cost. For now Im not willing to pay that cost.

So today I took up Jamie's call to come ask for help - only I did not go directly to him. Not that I dont like him I just feel that if I were to disclose it to him, I would lose a friend - and honestly friends are few and far between for me. So I talked to Tim, again I never disclosed not feeling right to share with the world. So I asked for some outside prayer and maybe perhaps one extra prayer will help, or maybe not.

I will say this much I have a bizarre problem which makes me even more uncomfortable discussing it openly with anyone, even behind closed doors. OK so 2 people, maybe 3 already know but for now its not spread too far, and I like it that way.

ANd because of this problem I am very reluctant to have a close relationship with anyone. So I guess it's a "push them away before they push me away" sort of mechanism. Bad thoughts enter my mind at night, while listening to music and whatnot and its hard to escape, its wrong and I know its wrong. Im holding on to something I can't have. Sometimes I just tell myself just once more then Im done, but then I change my mind again and say no more whatsoever.

Sometimes I think my dress, my personality and whatnot gives it away - but maybe it doesnt and Im just overly self-conscious.

And in another self-conscious aspect - Ive realized Im much too round and unshapely for anyone to love me and see me beyond the fat. Maybe Im doing this for the wrong reasons maybe Im not but Im now officially on a mission to lose weight, albeit in a healthy manner which could prove to be too slow going for my short patience span. How do I plan to lose it? Very simple equation really- a woman needs 2,000 calories a day for healty living. Right now Im consuming an average of 2,500 -3,000 daily, way more than I need. Now I simply cut back my calories to around 2,000 plus or minus 100 extra calories - so basically for phase 1 of this diet no more than 2,100 calories a day max, but if I go over one day then I need to cut back a little bit the next. Next more fruits and vegetables, less junk. When I fix a plate of something at least half of the meal should be fruits and vegetables. The other half is split into quarter of meat and dairy. And overall staying away from sweets.
Finally, up the activity level. I already stand on my feet eight hours a day, but Im not doing physically demanding work that causes me to break out in a sweat. I have no goals other than to lose weight and get healthy looking again which in turn makes me more desireable. No one really likes to hang out with a fat person, much less see them as a potential mate. I know I dont - and its very hypocritical of me to do so knowing that Im fat too. Does this mean when I get skinny will I make fun of fat people? Absolutely not, but if they want to lose weight then I would be more than happy to encourage them along the way and tell them to stick with it, the smaller jeans will come.

So those are my two struggles - the thoughts and desires I need to do away with and the weight issues.