Thursday, March 13, 2008

No rest for the wicked....

Here lately I have felt like there has been very little down time between work, mom duties, church activities, family drama, and being there for a friend.

Earlier this evening out of a moment of randomness I decided to check out the my church's web site. I clicked on 'Pastors Page' to see what Bro. Jamie had to say and he hit me right in the nose with his entry.

No, nothing as to what the title to this entry implies, but rather a rest meant for those who are caught up in today's 'work til you crash' society. You see God placed an importance on rest so much that it is one of the first noted things in Genesis. When God had completed his work he spent a day resting.

I myself could be considered a workaholic, but believe me there are people out there who do work harder than I do. OK maybe not necessarily harder, but do work many more hours per week than I do (paid work that is on top of work to be done at home.)

I have been known to quite literally work until I crash. You see I am boderline diabetic (low blood sugar) as I have severe blood sugar swings from time to time. One day not too long ago I had been working in an exhausted state for about a week or two. Not getting sleep, not eating right, and overdoing the nasty habits. In general not giving myself priority over other things. Things that, in hindsight, probably could have been prioritized lower on the totem pole. I went into work completely wiped out, blood sugar out of whack and all. I got up to the line and I was placed across from a friend of mine. I worked for about an hour until I was very much on the verge of crashing right there in the production area.

I became very weak and pale, barely able to speak, much less coherent. I started swaying from one side to the other until finally I laid down over the machine, begged God for some relief. But I still kept doing my job through all of this albeit not as effeciently as I should. My friend started shouting for a line boss anybody to come catch me before I fall. A line boss came over and immediately took notice to my condition, grabbed me in a bear hug. Mind you I am stil trying to do my job, I didnt want to stop or be perceived as 'lazy'. She kept telling me to let it go, I kept telling her no. Then she shouted for another worker who was free to take me to the sick bay. I dont recall much from there to the sick bay when I looked up and noticed the nurse standing over me telling me to stay with her. She left then returned with a bottle of orange juice and told me I would have to drink all of it before I could get up. I sat there, defeated, in the sick bay. I felt hopeless.

My line lead came up to me and asked how many occurances I had. Zero. It had stood at zero for quite some time and I had planned on keeping it that way unless my daughter became sick, necessitating me to stay home with her. She had fully expected me to clock out and take the day off.

Regardless, I drank my orange juice, got my sugar back up. Then nurse came back in to check on me and said I looked less pale.

I got up, put my PPE back on and hobbled my way back to my work station. I still felt like crap - but I wasnt about to go out without a fight. The only way I was clocking out that day was on a stretcher. I worked the whole shift in a barely able to stand state. My co-workers kept asking if I were OK. At one point they were worried to the point they asked for a line boss to let me have a break. (I said no.)

I got home that evening looked in the mirror - I was a ghost. There was nothing there in my face. I took a shower, put my pajamas on and laid down only to wake up 2 hours later with a fever. I took a fever reducer and went back to sleep. The next morning I woke up with chills. And yes I went in to work in this state. I get there and the first thing they said was - youre going home, you look like s---.

Thanks for the compliment boss. They worked me off without an occurance against me. I return home at 6:30am and laid down on the couch and did not wake up until noon. I got up made some soup then I started feeling better.

After all of that, I have come to realize that in this workaholic world you have to draw the line somewhere and say enough is enough. No mas.

Even after all of that, the day I returned to work, I went back to my 10 hour shift. I needed (and still need) the extra money. I am willing to work til I crash for it.

Sadly, while I wish everyone, including myself, had the opportunity to rest and not feel the pinch of having done so, I can't.

My profession obviously does not pay that well, especially for a single parent. I can't rest because:
1.) I need out of the house
2.) I need the money
3.) I need the money to buy a vehicle
4.) I need the money to eventually return to my ungraduate studies at ATU.

If and when I return to school - I do intend to work a full time job on top of the added load of school work on top of everything else I do.

But in Jamies message posted on the Internet, I have realized that rest is a vital importance of obeying God. He commanded us to work, but also rest for our well being. Statistics continually show that exhaustion leads to poor work quality, weight gain and related health problems, as well as depression when it is extended out.

As I type this I am considering taking a position at a different company where they work 13 days on, and getting one off. Why? Because it would give me a means to try and accomplish my goals.

But right now my exhaustion is forcing me to end this post despite my mind wanting to drag it out further. I will continue this tomorrow.